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Living with the consequences of a choice you never made.

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Divorce... I never wanted this to happen...

My wife chose to leave me at the begining or March, she left without warning. It was like a death but only worse.

August 2005

 

Obviously there is always fault on both sides, there were both push and pull factors at work.

 

Rebecca and I were married not quite two years.

 

For my part all I can say is I would even at this late stage try to make my marriage work. Simply I meant my vows and I keep my promises. I don't believe I was given an opportunity to make matters better, and at no time was I made aware that my wife had even thought about walking away from our marriage.

 

October 2005

 

In principle the above is still true, I am a man of principle, and a man of my word, and I gave my word to God and man on that fateful day in 28th June 2003.

What is clear to me now is that Rebecca didn’t, couldn’t mean any of those promises she pretended to, and perhaps did believe – at the time – her subsequent actions demonstrate that these were just words – and it was ‘just a piece of paper’, it was for her after 18 months a meaningless gesture.

I’m left with a peculiar feeling, did I ever know her? Certainly the woman I believed I married would never have left me for another man, it was to be as she wrote to me on her wedding day “the intensity of my love will never waiver, never fail… my commitment to you is forever.” but the woman I actually married did waiver and fail; it renders the last two years, indeed the last five years I loved her meaningless, because I loved someone who simply never existed.

I am left feeling like this; it’s like the marriage never really happened, because if the person I married wasn’t real, if I loved a pretence - how was this marriage real?

 

As far as I know the process Rebecca began in March is almost complete, ‘the just a piece of paper’ that our relationship - and I find I can't regard it as a marriage any more - will be rewritten, and we will have become another sorry statistic.

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